How Steep Is Your Love?

Please pardon me if the caption of this blog post sounds comfortingly familiar to the Bee Gees classic single ” How Deep Is Your Love “. Inspired? Yes, absolutely.

 

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

 

It shouldn’t be such a difficult thing to do, but, yet it is.

 

How to love yourself.

 

One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others.

 

There will be times when you will be feeling lousy about your state of mind, your over-fifty body, your hair, you see yourself as too fat, too this or too that..it’s a rabbit hole that we all go into.

 

Yet you fantasise about finding someone who would give you the gift of being loved as you are. Contrarian, isn’t it?

 

It is silly, isn’t it, that you would dream of someone else offering to you the same acceptance and affirmation that you are voluntarily withholding from yourself.

 

The word ‘ love ‘ is most often defined as a noun. But, it is worth altering the trajectory. We would all love better if the word love is used as a verb, rather than a noun.

 

The ask here is: could we proactively offer a new ethic for a society bereft with lovelessness– not the lack of romance, but the lack of care, compassion, unity ?

 

People are divided by our society’s failure to provide a model for learning to love.

 

Should we be razing the cultural paradigm for a new path to love that is sacred, redemptive, and healing for individuals and society?

 

Definitely so. Count me in!

 

As Katrina Mayer puts it, ” Loving yourself isn’t vanity, it is sanity “.

 

ENDS

 

 

The New Year and Resolutions, I tell you..

“What the New Year brings to you will depend a great deal on what you bring to the New Year” – Vern McLellan.

 

It is said that you may be whatever you resolve to be. Nothing relieves and ventilates the mind like a resolution.

 

As we say adios to another year and get ready to welcome another, let us take a look at some potential resolutions that we will bravely (or tamely) bring to fore.

 

I want to laugh more, the laughter that makes you cry and makes your sides ache.” Now that is worth a standing ovation.

 

My intention for 2023 is to replace mean thoughts with kind and patient ones.” Keep the applause going.

 

I stay resolved to take “everything (especially politics) and everyone less seriously and try to be the best person I can.”

 

Going further, another one can go like this..
“I resolve not to take anything personally or overthink or politicize any comments … just play dumb and not engage, like a robot, like I’m Siri.”
A more succinct one would be..
I want to be better at understanding others.” That’s a great starting point.
And a perennial one for a lot of us would be: “talk less, listen more”.
To live with gratitude and an acceptance of our mortality is a fine realization not only on New Year’s Day, but every day “.  Give this the cult status.
Will be speaking for many of us when you say, “Less screen time, more real-world time.”  
How about ” from time to time, send handwritten snail-mailed notes/letters to family and friends.” Definitely worth the ink that will be used.

 

How about some idiosyncratic resolutions? Like “I intend to eliminate very and really from my vocabulary”. That is really a very good idea. Oops. Sorry.

 

 

I heard about a resolution from a friend which was to have “someone repair the wristwatch his dad bought him for his high-school graduation in 1985, so he can wear it again.” This is truly timeless.

 

 

Here’s one with a purpose ” I would like to continue and increasingly support biodiversity in urban areas “.  Enrollments are open. Let’s go for it.
That seems a lot more complicated than my big idea of going back down one pants size, but a plan’s a plan.

 

 

Some of us are charging right at 2023 with angry-rhino determination. Keep the fire in the belly burning.

 

 

Good resolutions are like babies crying in church. They should be carried out immediately.” ― Charles M. Sheldon
So, let’s Begin Again!
ENDS

An attraction called distraction!

Your real competition is your distraction– Anonymous

 

If you are reading this, amidst your deep immersive work, you shouldn’t be. This would seem weird coming from the guy who sent you this in the first place.

 

The achilles heel of our times: Staying focused and distracted by a lot of ideas.

 

We are living through a crisis of distraction. Plans get sidetracked, friends are ignored, work never seems to get done. Why does it feel like we’re distracting our lives away?

 

Donuts taste great when we are eating them. But we feel like shit some time after. We get a bit of short-term pleasure and long-term pain.

 

The two primary motivators of changing our behavior are:

 

Avoiding pain &

 

Experiencing pleasure

 

All the attention management strategies in the world will not work unless we feel the pain and the opportunity cost of distractions.

 

If anything, the world is becoming a more distracting place. Technology is becoming more pervasive and persuasive.

 

We all suffer from the shiny object syndrome. The thrill of the chase. And the after glow.

 

Our biggest obstacle is fighting our addiction with social media and the mobile phone.

 

Wasting time online, ironically consuming content about how to be a more prolific, successful creator.

 

Digital distractions create somewhat of a paradox. We get to avoid the pain of focusing on something that matters to us. And the dopamine hits we get from checking our emails or scrolling through our Instagram | Facebook feeds. That gives us a lot of pleasure.

 

But that little boost of pleasure becomes painful when we realise that we’ve wasted time on something that prevents us from accomplishing our real goals.

 

It’s hard to change anything until our motivation is strong enough. Before we can deal with our addictions to distraction, it is important to uncover our motivations.

 

A donut called distraction.

 

ENDS

Power of Darkness: Switch Off to Switch On!

Please forgive the almost oxymoronic nature of the blog’s caption. We all think that no power leads to darkness, isn’t it?

 

The world owes a lot to Benjamin Franklin, the scientist who invented electricity. It’s human to want light and warmth. God’s first recorded words, according to the Hebrew Bible, were: “Let there be light.”

 

The night has a dark side; literally and metaphorically: ghosts, scary monsters, robbers, the unknown. Electricity’s triumph over the night keeps us safer as well as busier.

 

But whatever extends the day loses us the dark. Our always on, 24-7 culture has phased out the night, so much so that we treat the night like failed daylight.

 

Night and dark are good for us. As the nights lengthen, it’s time to reopen the dreaming space. Have you ever spent an evening without electric light? You would have noticed that when the lights are on, we are all in conformity mode. Saluting the default template, playing it safe, keeping up with the Joneses, effectively talking about our outer lives. Living the expected.

 

It’s different when we are sitting around a fire or candlelight which is when we begin to articulate our feelings. Our inner lives. We speak subjectively, argue less, there are longer pauses. Noticed? Or you could not see it in the dark?

 

To sit in isolation in darkness is curiously creative. We have our brainwaves , best ideas and Eureka moments in the dead of the night and the moment the light comes on we are thinking projects, deadlines, groceries, bills…

 

The famous “sleep on it” when we have a dilemma we can’t solve is an indication of how important dream time | darkness is to human wellbeing.

 

Food, fire, walks, talks, dreams, cold, sleep, love, slowness, time, quiet, books, seasons – all these things, which are not really things, but moments of life – take on a different quality at night-time. Creativity, like human life itself — begins in darkness.

 

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”
— Mary Oliver

 

Switch off to Switch on!

 

ENDS

Attention Piece!

It is said that attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.

 

The poet J.D. McCatchy captured this essential fact beautifully in his observation that “love is the quality of attention we pay to things.”.

 

It’s a no brainer. Before we can create anything worthy of other people’s attention, we have to learn to manage ours.

 

Our world is the outcome of what we pay attention to. Period. Attention is the currency of achievement.

 

Being present is the best present we can give ourselves. And to others. There is a curious power in being present. When we are present, we see the other person more clearly. We communicate better. We make lasting connections.

 

Unfortunately, in our always on, go-go-go world, being  with someone who is fully present and therefore offering attention is rare.

 

Good work and great art comes from deep focus and deep work. Our ability to be prolific, create art that resonates, that strikes a chord , tug at the heartstrings and hit people in the face with a crowbar depends on our ability to focus.

 

Consider for a moment the kind of mental world we can construct when we dedicate significant time and attention to deep endeavors.

 

Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer,” Simone Weil observed as she considered the relationship between attention and grace at the peak of her short life. “Attention without feeling,” Mary Oliver wrote a generation later in her beautiful elegy for her soul mate, “is only a report.

 

It’s hard to carve out time and space for work or art that matters if we’re always distracted by things don’t.

 

So, how much art have you made today?

 

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door “. Marla Gibbs

 

ENDS

Belief it (or) Knott!

In our lives, many of us favor the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of truth.

 

We listen and lean towards opinions that make us feel good rather than ideas that will make us think hard.

 

We regard disagreement as a threat to our egos, rather than an opportunity to learn.

 

We, by design, surround ourselves with people who echo and endorse our thinking and beliefs, rather than gravitating toward those who challenge and question our thought process.

 

The result is that our beliefs get brittle long before our bones do.

 

Intelligence is no cure; in fact it can even be a curse( we have heard of ” Curse of Knowledge “, haven’t we? ).

 

There’s strong evidence that being good at thinking can make us sub optimal and worse at rethinking. The brighter we are, the more blinded and limited we become to our own thinking. We short change ourselves. Constantly.

 

We don’t have to believe everything we think and internalize everything we feel.

 

Give yourselves an invitation or permission to let go of views that are no longer serving you well. In lieu of that, prize mental flexibility, humility,  and unabashed curiosity over foolish consistency.

 

There’s immense power in intentionally creating and opening the doors that accommodate you—instead of shrinking yourself in order to squeeze through whatever door happens to be there.

 

If knowledge indeed is power, then knowing what we don’t know is wisdom.

 

Once you’ve decided what you want from life, go off-menu. Ask for it. Create it.

Because the best things in life aren’t on the menu.

 

ENDS

 

 

Being an employee of our own myth!

We are all frauds! Forgive the blatant articulation.

 

To quote Wikipedia ” The master race (GermanHerrenrasse) is a pseudoscientific concept in Nazi ideology in which the putative “Aryan race” is deemed the pinnacle of human racial hierarchy. Members were referred to as “Herrenmenschen” (“master humans”).

 

Creating is hard for every last one of us– including for the ones from the allegedly superior Aryan race.

 

If you think creating is hard, try grave digging. Or coal mining. Infinitely harder. Do you think miners stand around all day thinking and talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? Certainly not. They just go ahead and do it ie dig!

 

Throughout life, you collect data points or dots. And you probably don’t have a clue how these dots will connect in the future. As Steve Jobs said, you can only connect these dots looking backward. But, you can only collect them going forward.

 

In our daily lives, too many of us favor the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt. The result is that our beliefs get brittle long before our bones.

 

Without the mistakes we make, the decisions we regret and the experiences that didn’t live up to our expectations, we would be very short on material for our creative work.  These things are all just ingredients for your soup, material for making meaning and making art.

 

The creative process, just like the creative life, isn’t linear.  We don’t know how each of our life experiences will impact us down the road. With each step forward, the view changes, the landscape shifts and the horizon offers a different dimension. The most insignificant of our experiences and life’s little skirmishes at the moment can serve as the most informative (and even inspiring) ones in our future.

 

Our creativity is not something that someone can give us, gift us or take away. It’s something thats always within us.  Whether it’s the degrees we earn or the jobs we hate, every experience offers us seeds to plant for the stories we tell.

 

Life doesn’t pause or stop to make room for our precious creating time. So, if you are running your own life’s employment exchange, show up and ship out!

 

ENDS

 

Trapped in the WHINEyard?

The only thing that whining or complaining does is to convince other people that you are not in control. Helpful? Far from it. And for all those who are under the mistaken impression that whining burns calories, sorry to disappoint you..it doesn’t!!

 

Whineyards grow only sour grapes.

 

Come to think of it- whining is a seductive package deal. When it works, it gets us attention, lowers expectations, it gains sympathy and it forces or coerces people to identify with our pain.

 

When whining becomes a habit, we need to continue it- so we begin to interpret events as opportunities to prove that our whining is justified.

 

People hate being around a whiner when the selfish desires of the habitual whiner becomes clear. As Lord Jeffrey put it so eloquently ” The tendency to whining and complaining may be taken as the surest sign symptom of little souls and inferior intellect “.

 

It would be great to remember that our complaints, drama, victim mentality, whining, blaming and all of the excuses that we come up with has never taken us even one step closer to our goals or dreams. So, time to let go of the nonsense, let go of the delusion that we deserve better and go earn it!

 

Our shared reality is the world as it is, and the whiner isn’t actually being singled out. The best way to make things better is to WORK to improve them, NOT demand special attention and treatment.

 

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are far more blessed than the million plus people who will not survive this week. If you can read this blog then you are far more fortunate than the millions who cannot read it at all.

 

Optimists run the risk of being disappointed now and then. Whiners are always disappointing!

 

Nobody is going to invite you and say ‘ here’s some cheese to go with your whine “- so, you know what to opt for- and whynot?

 

 

ENDS

 

Words Worth!

It’s only words and words are all I haveTo take your heart away…crooned Bee Gees in their seminal classic single Words way back in 1968.

 

Make no bones about it. The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words. Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Words, they have the power to build people up, confine people to where they are, and break people down.

 

 

It may not be an exaggeration to say that words create worldsRemember that words are free but how we use them is what may cost us dearly.

 

Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.”Yehuda Berg

 

Acknowledging the power of spoken words is a fundamental building block to many self-help as well as mainstream therapies. For what we say out loud is a guide to what lies within us. If our talk is critical, cynical or destructive, then we tend to find we think about ourselves in a similar way.

 

Words connect humans to one another, navigating across time and space, in a profound and impactful way that nothing else can achieve. The written word allows for the sharing of ideas, philosophies, memories, events, and stories.

 

As one scholar puts it, “writing codifies speaking, thus turning words into objects of conscious reflection”. In other words, writing ideas makes them more concrete to us, and by mulling written words, we are better able to internalize and understand them, and to allow them to affect our behavior.

 

If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative. That is what inspired the adage ‘ Silence is golden ‘.

 

The power of words in history can never be under estimated. Words have transformed nations be it the Magna Carta or the Declaration of Independence. These texts show how the simplest of things – nothing but paper and ink – can be imbued with immense power by those who forge them.

 

Then there are the works of fiction and tales of writers like Dickens, Austen, Twain, Hemingway, Woolf, Orwell, Tolstoy, Shakespeare, and so on that have been enjoyed and admired throughout the ages. They continue to exert great influence over society right into the modern era, performed on the stage, adapted for the screen, and studied in great detail by readers worldwide.

 

Imagine the world without newspapers, dictionaries..vast swathes of the public would have been uninformed, literacy levels would not have found some of it’s feet that it is comfortably standing on now.. the works of Mary Wollstonecraft helped to lay the groundwork for the feminism of today, while iconic figures of the past like Martin Luther King Jr made use of their own writing abilities to bring to life a more equal and understanding society.

 

Great philosophers like Socrates, Kant, Plato, Descartes, Hume etc used their works to help us change our conception of the world around us. Political musings and journaling helped us understand the French Revolution or the American Civil War without which those key events could have played out differently.

 

Written words continue to hold great power, even in the digital space. Short messages and personal stories shared across social media led to the rise of massive global movements like the Arab Spring,  Me Too and Black Lives Matter, while aspiring authors continue to share their tales on a bigger scale than ever before.

 

At a time when all of us can head online and get our message across to millions at one go all over the world, the power of words have never been greater.

 

The human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief. Words are seeds that do more than blow around. They land in our hearts and not the ground. Be careful what you plant and careful what you say. You might have to eat what you planted one day. Not exactly the kind of diet that you would savor.

 

ENDS

Why 5% > 95% ?

No. The arithmetic may not look right. Contrarian and defies established norm. Yes.

 

But, dare I say, this is the new math.

 

A lot of our attention and effort is spent and invested in trying to onboard the laggards and the lurkers.

 

And it done by dumbing down. Offering more incentive. Creating urgency. Re-posting. Hustling to see if they would take some action.

 

Certainly not worth it.  And very frustrating for anyone who leads.

 

Progress operates on a different GPS. It has a different route to take.

 

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone who says they are a contributor | supporter | fan | contributor | member | long-term customer showed up..

 

..then huge things would begin to happen.

 

The 95% who lurk and remain non-committal will almost always lurk. Thats okay.

 

The energy and the emotional labour has to go into the 5%. The place to focus on. 

 

Because when their persistent, consistent and generous action begins to add up, change happens. And that may bring the lurkers along. And who knows, even activate them. They will catch up when they need to.

 

The chasm will get bridged at its own pace. And that’s perfectly fine.

 

There’s nothing wrong with the laggards and the lurkers. Remember, they are potential action-takers.

 

But for now, our focus, action, respect and gratitude is for all those people who are already showing up. And shipping out. Which is the 5%!

 

So, let’s stop falling over ourselves to dumb down. Average it out. Trying to appeal and please everyone and anyone.

 

When you seek to engage with everyone, you rarely delight anyone. And if you’re not the irreplaceable, essential, one-of-a-kind change maker, you never get a chance to engage with the market.

 

So, seek your MVA(minimum Viable Audience). This would be counter to what are taught (or expected to learn) in the ‘ School of Capitalism ‘ , but this is the simplest way to do the work that matters, impacts, changes and leaves an inspiring legacy.

 

Now you know- Why 5% > 95% ?

 

ENDS