Author: Suresh Dinakaran

Know your NO; and Yes, Please Use It!

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”

 

“It’s only by saying NO that you can concentrate on the things that are really important ”, said Steve Jobs. There are a lot of occasions when we actually want to say no, but we end up saying maybe, which in a lot of situations later migrates to an unconvincing yes.

 

Don’t leave anything incomplete – and NO is a complete answer. And when articulated with authority and conviction, does not leave any room for negotiation.

 

On the one side of saying no are the risks associated with it- coming across as negative, offending someone, being a party pooper, risking relationships or even putting our own reputation on the line.

 

But the flip side of it is that it gives you empowerment, distills the wheat from the chaff and gives us greater agency in our lives.

 

When we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else. 

It’s a double-edged sword. People are super anxious about saying no because they are concerned about damaging relationships with the yes harming their own reputation. There is a way to address that apprehension. In her book, ” The Power Of Saying No ” , Vanessa Patrick ( Professor of Marketing at the Bauer College of Business, University of Houston), introduces what she calls “empowered refusal,” a way of saying no that’s rooted in one’s identity, values, priorities, and preferences. “An empowered no,” she says, “is about us, not a rejection of the other person.”
This notion of empowered refusal is really interesting because it’s one vehicle through which we can claim and publicly state our values. So, a “don’t” is different from “can’t.” And that helps us be definitive, helps us set clear set boundaries, and reduces the likelihood of pushback. So that’s very useful.
That being said, as we all know, you do come across people who refuse to take no for an answer- no pun intended. We have to deal with those pushy askers. One such way is to lean on technology. Research shows that we are 33 times more likely to say yes to a face-to-face request.
You know, sending no by email is much easier than repeating your no face to face. Sometimes, all it takes is an emoji with a thumbs-down sign, and that communicates no more than words can. All of us certainly feel more comfortable with a refusal that is virtual than one that is in person.
You have a right to say no. Most of us have very weak and flaccid ‘no’ muscles. We feel guilty for saying no. We get ostracized and challenged for saying no.
It is simple to say no when your priorities are in order. Learn the art of saying no. Don’t lie. Don’t make excuses, don’t over-explain yourself. Just simply decline. Saying NO means you know your limits.
” When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to yourselves.”- Paulo Coelho
ENDS

 

 

 

 

 

 

Space Wanted!

” Space: a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied “.

 

When used as a noun, space would mean the unlimited or incalculably great three-dimensional realm or expanse in which all material objects are located and all events occur.

 

We have articulated the physicality aspect of space above.

 

But space also intrudes into the recesses of our mind, the digital footprint that we seek and perennially leave behind, the environment in which we work or create and live in and many such other.

 

Giving yourself space and time can actually lead to the birth of more creativity, better creativity, and some of your best work.

 

 

It would be worthwhile to have a gatekeeper who can sieve who or what you allow into your space– are they intrusions, distractions, irritants or are they inspiring and elevating?

 

If the idea is to do deep work, the kind of work that matters to you and brings you content and fulfillment, be careful of your environment and what you let in.

 

Just as we mind our head, mind your space!

 

There is a fourth space in our lives and you can know more by accessing this link

 

ENDS

Go Luck Yourself!

In short, Luck’s always to blame..

 

It’s good to be cognisant of this saying about luck..

 

” You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from. You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help. Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck “.

 

Nothing is a mistake. There is no win or no fail. Everything is MAKE. Betting on lucky isn’t nearly as productive as simply establishing a platform where you can benefit from the occasional arrival of good fortune.

 

Life is full of luck, like getting dealt a good hand, or simply by being in the right place at the right time. Some people get luck handed to them, a second chance, a save.

Luck might not be a strategy, but setting yourself up to be lucky might be. The luck as tactic can be a workable tool if you are bringing in your deep work, resilience, showing up and shipping out and be on a perennial path of exploration and discovery. If you maintain that consistency, chances are high that you would get lucky more often than not. But that is very different from the default mindset that there is a correlation between past behaviour and lucky outcomes.

 

If you show up with good work and generous action, again and again, sooner or later something that appears to others to be luck will appear. So, go for it!

 

I urge you to read this article on Relentless Optimism in BrandKnew

 

ENDS

 

Questioning the questioning !

It is said that knowledge means to know the right answer but intelligence means asking the right question.

 

The truth is we are born with a natural desire to question everything and be curious, but along the path of growing up many of us lose that desire.

 

” Know how to ask. There is nothing more difficult for some people, nor for others easier“- Baltasar Gracian

 

Most of us would have experienced this at school or college. Your teacher or professor midway through the class asks ” Does anyone have a question? “. Nine times out of ten, no hand would go up. The professor has reconciled to the fact that she is doing an excellent job of explaining the material and secretly patting herself on the back.

 

Looking at our performance in the exams, nothing could be further from the truth which is most of us did not understand what was taught.

 

A better way for the professor to reframe the question would have been ” Given how complex the topic is, I am sure you would have plenty of questions. This is a great time to ask them “.

 

This nudge would go a long way. More hands would go up and more questions will get asked.

 

” Does anyone have a question? ” was not the smartest of questions in any case. Most of us would pride on our ‘intellectual ability‘ and the last thing we would like to do is come across as dumb in a class full of peers by asking what may potentially be a stupid question.

We have perfected the art of asking stupid questions even outside the classroom. Take your HR Managers’ appraisal session and the first question you get asked is ” Everything going well? “, which leaves most people with no room to segue into what ideally should be an honest feedback. A better version that will elicit an honest response( the very purpose of an appraisal) would be ” What are the challenges you are facing at work ? ” and you open the floodgates for relevant feedback.

 

When we reframe a question—when we change our method of questioning—we also change the outcome.

 

Werner Heisenberg, the brains behind the uncertainty principle in quantum mechanics, had it right: “What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning.”

 

In an always on, expert run, industrialised economy, the pressure | expectation is to be the person who is sure, the one with all the answers. Do you think someone who has all the questions is more valuable? 

 

I encourage you to take a look at this throwback article from BrandKnew 

 

ENDS

Knott Do-able? Or Do-able?

Doorstep at-your-feet delivery, touch screen inspired command and control at our fingertips, the increasing absence of humans in any interaction with an organisation( and therefore the superfluousness of our emotions) and many such in our zeitgeist has made us the sacrificial lamb at the altar of ease and convenience.

 

 

In the school industrial complex, we were taught compliance from an early age. Non compliance equalled failure, mind you, we were made to believe that. In order to amplify compliance, people in authority have instilled in us not just a fear of failure, but worse, a fear of fear.

 

 

The diktat going around is that of ease and convenience. And the freedom from the fear of failure. A fear of weakness only strengthens weakness. You are only adding fuel to the fire. Fear of failure is a mental virus that stops us from taking risks and trying things in life. It tells you a scary story. It says you are not good enough, and things will turn out terribly bad.

 

 

Eloise Ristad put it beautifully ” When we give ourselves permission to fail, at the same time, we give ourselves permission to excel “.

 

 

The reason it’s hard to push ourselves, even when there’s no external downside of doing so, is our fear of fear of failure. That feeling, the feeling of insufficiency and doom, pushes us to seek the comfort of compliance instead.

 

 

Easily do-able is the default whereas great work be it for enterprise, art, music, literature, new inventions etc stem from us allocating our time to things that may not work.

 

 

Failure. The perspective would be to see it as a lure( to create or make things better) rather than see that as a speed breaker.

 

 

An interesting throwback on failure can be witnessed in this article from BrandKnew about ” What Designers Can Learn From The Museum Of Failure (Yes, It Exists) “.

 

It’s good to remember that ” fear is a reaction, creativity is a response ‘.

 

 

ENDS

Can You Pull Off Modesty as a Social Strategy?

‘Modesty’
Modesty is showing restraint in the appreciation of oneself and of one’s qualities.
In literature, modesty is unpretentiousness in the expression of feelings.
Modesty is the color of virtue.
There are several explanations going around but the above is a reasonable summa summarum of what modesty is. We get the message.
Impressions matter in life. Whether it’s a client meeting, an office get together, a first date, a job interview, how others perceive us, can define or destroy our goals. That being said, in a team setting where cooperation and collaboration is the rote, display of luxury items be it watches, bags, shoes, cars or any such could actually be a party pooper. Especially if they are done with the intent to enhance and communicate social status.
Recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ( Deborah Small | Alixandra Barasch | Shalena Srna) says that when an individual uses luxury goods, the person is perceived as someone out to boost his|her own social value and hence selfish and a poor team player. As a result, they are less likely to inspire cooperation or be chosen by others for their teams. By contrast, in competitive situations, the same ostentatious person is often favored over more modest rivals.
Yes, The Devil indeed wears Prada. ‘ Conspicuous consumption ‘ was a term coined by Sociologist Thorstein Veblen in 1899 to describe people acquiring luxury goods and services not just for their superior quality but also as a visible sign of their wealth and status. 
Status is a potent weapon for determining and influencing consumer behavior and the pursuit of status is highly valued in cultures that are characterized by hierarchy and tradition. This is the consumer insight that is leveraged by brands like Louis Vuitton or Burberry and the insignia display of LV or the Plaid is used unabashedly. Ostentatious consumers tend to be seen as more arrogant, less warm, and even less moral. The Devil Wears Prada is fictional but the association between luxury spenders and emotional frostiness is very real.
Context has a big role to play here. Name dropping, fancy clothes etc would be helpful in winning negotiations but where teamwork and cooperation is the call of the hour, modesty is a better approach.

The same Sociologist Veblen also coined the term ” conspicuous compassion “. Status signalling is not just about overtly displaying wealth or career success. It can come in the form of green credentials, altruism, being a rebel or a contrarian, or being cool, depending on which circle you are seen in and want to influence. 

Being sincerely modest is not easy, because there is a great temptation to fall into falsehood. The playwright Prosper Jolyot de Crais-Billon (1707-1777) said: “Of all the virtues, the one which, in the world, always seemed to me to succeed least to the one who practices it, is modesty.” While the poet Pierre Reverdy (1889-1960) added: “The best thing about modesty is the intelligence that must be deployed to stick to it“.
There is a very close link between modesty and humility, but the line is a fine one. It would be tempting to see modesty only as a social convention, while humility would be truth in itself.
So, if status signaling is the intent, pay attention to context. Modesty Blaise anyone?
Tempted to offer a link here to an old article from BrandKnew on “ The Braggart’s Dilemma: How to Promote Yourself Without Being a Jerk “.
ENDS

The GIGOlo trap!

The GIGOlo trap!

 

Garbage In, Garbage Out, or GIGO, refers to the idea that in any system, the quality of output is determined by the quality of the input.

 

The term originated in the computer science and information technology fields but now has made headway into other industries as well.

 

Yes, it has trespassed its way into our daily zeitgeist.

 

A lazy way of arriving at the conclusion that faulty input leads to faulty results. Lazy (and unfair) because the entire onus is placed on the user or the doer or the environment. And the creator happily puts up his hands, saying, ‘ not my fault ‘. This applies to convoluted tax returns forms, printers, websites with questionable UI, the type of gasoline or tyres used in cars and many such everyday situations. It is far too lopsided and the diktat needs a new narrative that is more inclusive and creates a level playing field.

 

My mother was my best teacher. Getting hold of an absolutely written off country boy and transforming me into someone who can get by reasonably well enough in this world. Don’t you think that should be the benchmark all around? Rather than the cocooned excesses spun off my corporations and individuals who are happy to maintain the stalemate and shirk responsibility. And have the audacity to pass the buck.

 

Just because you are (considered ) trash, it does not mean that you cannot do great things. Remember, it’s called a Garbage Can, NOT Garbage Cannot.

 

There are some ‘ wasted interests ‘ at work and we need to blow the lid off of that. The sooner, the better.

 

Which brand of cooking gas you use should not determine how the recipe has shaped out.

 

The better story to share is ‘ Garbage In, Goodness Out ‘, don’t you think so?

 

That’s what we are here for, irrespective of which side of the fence you are grazing on.

 

ENDS

Ring out the wring, bring in the ring !

Rings a bell?

 

 

Ringing relays, delivers, fulfils. Keeps up on a promise.
Ringing strikes a chord( no pun intended), builds momentum and resonates.
Ringing potentially signifies care and empathy. Ringing sets the stage for the next, the future. 
Ringing is a promise to continue. It leaves you with a lure to engage more, later. It keeps a bridge to help you go back, re-connect.
The very act of bell ringing is symbolic of all proselytizing religions.
Wringing marches to a different beat. It has different ambitions.  And makes no bones about it.
You can’t prepare for everything life’s going to throw at you.
And you can’t avoid danger. It’s there. The world is a dangerous place, and if you sit around wringing your hands about it, you’ll be out on all the adventure.
Wringing gets terminal. Extracting the last bit there is. There is no scope for continuity or further engagement.
When you seek to wring every dollar out of a transaction, you’ve probably and unfortunately, engaged for the last time.
The desire to wring out a few more drips of happiness almost always destroyed the happiness you were so lucky to have, and so foolish never to acknowledge. – Jonathan Safran Foer
So, what’s your view? Ringside or Wringside?
ENDS

Calm A Sutra !

There is of course a phonetic co relation to what you are thinking but there ends the potential!! Sorry to disappoint you.

 

 

A sutra is a concise verse or scripture within Hinduism and Buddhism. In Sanskrit, sutra means “note,” “sacred thread,” or “code.” Sutras are often used in chanting and meditation. Many who have a spiritual yoga practice use the sutras as a guide to life.

 

 

” If then it’s not the things that you pursue or avoid are coming at you, but rather than you in a sense are seeking them out, at least try to keep your judgement of them steady, and they too will remain calm and you won’t be seen chasing after or fleeing from them “. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 11.11

 

 

People often look to their leaders before looking at themselves before losing their calm and if their leader is calm, they will be calm too. This is what is meant by “calm is contagious”. It means you need to be mindful of how you’re feeling and what emotions you’re projecting.

 

 

Calm isn’t the only thing that’s contagious. You can pretty much replace calm with any word like panic, chaos, or disorder. 

 

 

Former Navy SEAL Rorke T. Denver’s idea of Calm is Contagious carries valuable lessons that every leader should know. Diving into the deeper meaning of “ calm is contagious ” shows us the role of leaders in any environment and how we can do better to guide our teams.

 

 

There is a maxim that Navy SEALs pass from officer to officer, man to man. In the midst of chaos, even in the fog of war, their battle-tested advice is this: ” Calm is Contagious “.

 

 

You don’t need to be a Navy SEAL to have a contagious calm. We all want to be around people who are calm and in control. But we also have an opportunity to be that person for our colleagues, our families and even ourselves. Our ability to calm ourselves and reduce stress fundamentally changes how we react and how we make decisions.

 

 

Given that others are likely to mimic or amplify your behavior, think closely about what you want that behavior to be. There’s an obvious contagious effect with our emotional and cognitive experiences; we’re constantly affected by others and their emotional states. 

 

 

Humans are hardwired for connection.Whether people know it or not, they’re constantly borrowing from other people’s nervous systems and lending out their own. It’s a trade off- give and take.

 

 

There are enough storms. Stick to calm.

 

 

PS: If time and inclination permit, you my find value in watching the interview in BrandKnew with Dr Jonah Berger( author of the book Contagious, among many other best-sellers).

ENDS

 

 

Your audience is not where you have been told it is

Did you get that? I am sorry if you thought otherwise.

 

Brian Eno is a musician par excellence. He is considered to be the inventor | father of what we refer to today as ‘ ambient music ‘. His quote is worth paying a load of attention to. Here goes:

 

” People often want to aim for the biggest, the most obvious target and hit it smack in the bull’s eye “, Eno says. “Of course with everybody else aiming there as well that makes it very hard to hit.” The alternative? “Shoot the arrow, then paint the target around it,” Eno explains. “Make the niches in which you finally reside.”

 

What is the prognosis here? Fly away from the competition. We are so often tempted by the SOS(Sea of Sameness), the resident comfort of herd mentality or the wisdom of the crowds !! . Even though it is very much a drift into a tumultuous Red Ocean territory. Playing it safe has never been more dangerous.

 

Instead of aiming for the same target as other writers, sportsmen, designers, musicians—trying to out-write, out-play, out-sing or out-design them, focus on how you can stand out, your uniqueness.

 

Time to stop suppressing your unique crafts and skills because they don’t conform, adhere or comply in the default ecosystem dictated by the omnipresent industrial complex of scale.

 

Embrace your weirdness, idiosyncrasies, your anomalies, your contrasts and bring them to the foreground. And here’s the thing : We notice things because of contrast. Something stands out because it’s different from what surrounds it. Celebrate your difference.

Time to woo your AWEdience! Thankfully they are there ( what we refer to as the MVA- Minimum Viable Audience), willing to explore, experiment, discover and celebrate with your youniqueness.

 

 

ENDS