ACRONYM: Absurdly Confusing Reducer Of Normal Yielding Meanings
I was tempted to give an acronym for the first part of this blog caption; something like ASS..but quickly realised it was not fitting into the exacting standards that the present day mileu has set as benchmarks.
Visualise this for a moment: Last week, you watched as a new employee nodded confidently while our CEO discussed the need for better KPIs on our SaaS platform’s UI to improve UX for our B2B clients before our next QBR, so we could optimize our CAC and improve ROI before the EOQ. His expression remained engaged until our CMO asked him if he had any questions about our GTM strategy, at which point he panicked and responded, “Sorry, I need to BRB. Gotta drop my kids at the YMCA.” He has no children. And it was 3:30 PM. This, my friends, is the modern professional nightmare: death by acronym asphyxiation, where careers silently suffocate under an avalanche of capitalized letters that everyone pretends to understand.
Acronyms are the modern-day hieroglyphics. They’re designed to make you feel smart if you know them and stupid if you don’t.
The Great Acronym Overload– There was a time when LOL simply meant “laugh out loud” and not “Lord of Lameness” when someone sends a joke drier than a Rajasthan summer. But today, acronyms are breeding faster than Bangalore potholes in the monsoon. Ever sat in a meeting where a consultant casually dropped “We need a strong USP for our GTM with an agile OKR framework, aligned to ESG goals for better ROI”… and you just nodded, pretending to understand? Welcome to the WTF Age (World of Terrifying Fluff). We’re drowning in a TSUNAMI (Totally Stupid, Unnecessary Naming And Misleading Initials).
The Great Acronym Apocalypse– Today, the world is so stuffed with acronyms that conversations sound like scrambled passwords. You’re in a meeting, and some corporate samurai casually drops: “Our GTM needs a robust AI-ML integration to optimize CX, but let’s first check the FY QoQ EBITDA aligned with OKRs.” Translation? “We have no clue what we’re doing, but it sounds expensive.”
ACRONYM itself is an acronym, standing for “A Clever Reduction Of Nomenclature Yielding Meaning.” But in reality, it often ends up being “A Confusing Reduction Of Nomenclature Yielding Misunderstanding “.
Turning Normal Words into Wi-Fi Passwords – Gen Z doesn’t just speak in acronyms. They weaponize them. GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) – Used so often, even Kacha Badam singers think they qualify. And we all thought it was the animal. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) – What happens when you hear your friends got free Cold Play tickets. RN (Right Now) – The speed at which Bangalore traffic allows you to move. Then there’s the terrifying Gen Z breakup text: “Hey, no shade but this is low key toxic. IYKYK. LMAO. TTYL.” Translation: “I’m dumping you, but I want to sound cool while doing it.”
The Jargon Jungle – Where Words Go to Die– Corporate warriors, government officials, and Gen Z have turned simple conversations into a secret code you need a CIA decryption manual for. Here’s some Corporate Speak Gone Wild: HR tells you, “Our EVP is aligned with the DEI framework and ESG initiatives.” Translation: “We don’t pay well, but we have bean bags and pizza Fridays.” “This quarter’s OKRs will drive our CX and EX for optimal LTV.” Translation: “We have no clue what we’re doing, but it sounds cool.”
Government Lingo – Making Confusion Official– GST, IT, TDS, PAN, UIDAI, RBI, SEBI, NCB, ED. Wait… Are we running a country or an alphabet soup factory? In India, we say “My Aadhaar is linked to my PAN” the way Americans say, “My FBI agent is watching my search history.”
Gen Z’s Secret Code: TBH, ICYMI, IMHO—Are they texting or typing out their WiFi password? “That new movie is fire AF, no cap!” Translation: It’s good. Just say it’s good.
Medical Acronyms – The doctor tells you “You have a mild URTI.” Translation: “You have a cold.” Someone at the gym tells you they’re on HRT and TRT. Are they working out or launching a space shuttle? The medical profession uses acronyms with such abandon that patients might as well be hearing Klingon. “Your CBC shows elevated WBCs, so we’ll order a CMP and maybe an EKG to rule out CHF or COPD exacerbation.” Translation: “I went to school for 12 years and I’ll be damned if you understand a word I say.”
Even better, medical acronyms often have multiple meanings. DNR can mean “Do Not Resuscitate” or “Department of Natural Resources.” Choose the wrong one, and either your heart stops permanently or you get a fishing license.
The Dating App Hellscape- Modern dating has evolved its own acronym ecosystem. Profiles now read like military operation codes: “NSA FWB ISO SBF for LTR, no ONS.” Translation: “I want all the benefits of a relationship without calling it one until I find someone better, but I’m disguising this fact behind acronyms so I seem sophisticated rather than emotionally unavailable.” GHOSTED isn’t an acronym, but it might as well stand for “Gradually Hoped Our Special Thing Existed Deeper.”
The Generational Acronym Gap– For millennials and Gen Z, text acronyms have evolved from simple time-savers (LOL, BRB) to emotional crutches. Ending a message with “/srs” because tone doesn’t translate in text, or using “/gen” to indicate you’re asking a genuine question, makes all of us look like we’re appending legal disclaimers to casual conversations.Meanwhile, Boomers have decided that LOL means “Lots of Love,” leading to messages like “Your grandmother passed away last night. LOL, Dad.”
Tech’s Acronym Addiction– Silicon Valley‘s entire personality is just acronyms in hoodies. Their business model: create a problem, build a SaaS MVP with an API that needs SDK integration to improve UI/UX, then exit via IPO or M&A before anyone realizes your TAM isn’t actually that big. I recently heard a tech bro explain to a potential investor: “We’re a B2B2C XaaS platform utilizing ML and NLP for our core IP with an emphasis on API-first architecture.” The investor gave him $10 million. The startup sold AI–generated horoscopes. The rest, as you would have guessed by now, was destiny.
Corporate Alphabet Terrorism– Corporate world hasn’t just embraced acronyms; it’s weaponized them. McKinsey consultants don’t solve problems — they implement ERP systems with proper KPI tracking to improve NPS scores by utilizing CRM data for better ROI on CAC. Translation: “We’ll install expensive software, make you track numbers nobody looks at, so customers hate you less when you use their data to spend money acquiring more customers who will also eventually hate you.”
Ever sat through an MBA presentation? It’s basically human ChatGPT generating business Mad Libs with acronyms. “We’ll leverage AI to optimize our CX strategy, focusing on high-LTV segments while maintaining competitive CAC:LTV ratios.” This sentence contains zero actual information but will get you hired at any Fortune 500 company.
India’s Special Acronym Relationship– India deserves a special mention in the Acronym Hall of Fame. The current administration has turned government initiatives into an acronym factory. NITI Aayog (National Institution for Transforming India) replaced the Planning Commission, apparently because “Planning Commission” was too straightforward. Then there’s JAM Trinity (Jan Dhan-Aadhaar-Mobile), PRAGATI (Pro-Active Governance And Timely Implementation), and AMRUT (Atal Mission for Rejuvenation and Urban Transformation). At this point, I’m convinced there’s a secret government department whose sole job is backronyming — coming up with words first, then torturing the English language until an acronym emerges.
My personal favorite is UDAN (Ude Desh ka Aam Nagrik), which means “let the common citizen fly.” Nothing says “accessible air travel” like an acronym that most common citizens can’t decode.
So the next time someone asks if you’ve considered how the EBITDA affects your CAGR or whether your OKRs align with company KPIs, just smile and respond, “Sorry, I operate under the KISS principle – Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Because at the EOD (end of day), the most powerful TLA (three-letter acronym) might just be WTF.
In conclusion, PMFJI (pardon me for jumping in), but IMHO, we need to KISS our acronym addiction goodbye before we’re all FUBAR. TTYL!
PS: FUBAR( Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition)!