Circa 1930. Great Britain. The acronym ADHD did not exist. Gillian Lynne was considered the quintessential problem child. She did terribly in school. She couldn’t sit still, let alone focus. People called her Wriggle Bottom. Her mother, thinking that her daughter is a disorder, took her to the Doctor. And that visit would radically change the course of Lynne’s life.
What is important to note here is What the Doctor did not do. He did not label the child as difficult. He did not tell her to calm down. He did not automatically medicate her. Instead, he decided to follow a hunch. He turned on the radio in his room. And escorted the mother and himself out of the room.
The minutes the adults left the room, Lynne’s body began to move. As the music filled the room, Lynne couldn’t contain herself and danced all around, including on the Doctor’s desk. Through the transparent glass door both the mother and Doctor were watching this spectacle. A little later it was time for the Doctor to write the prescription. It said ” She is a natural dancer. Take her to dance class “. What followed was a lifetime of dance. Lynne danced in the Royal Ballet and choreographed Cats and Phantom of the Opera—two of the longest-running shows in Broadway history*.
*Extracted from Ozan Varol’s blog
Some games that we humans like playing include Scrabble, Sudoku, Monopoly, Poker, Chess and the likes. But, what takes the cake, along with the bakery and baker is a game called Find The Flaw. It is practiced with so much diligence as if it has to become an Olympic Sport. It could, you never know.
For all the unemployment and under employment that we talk about, I feel that most people are fully employed in a profession called ‘ judging others ‘. And no, the jury need not be out on that. The default setting is fault-finding mode—high-definition, surround sound, and zero buffering.
The uncomfortable, inconvenience truth is that ” we are addicted to deficiency detection “. There is a difference between flaws and fire. Flaws don’t define people. Their fire does.
Finding flaws is a cultural epidemic. For eg when it comes to performance appraisals- the reverse of the Pareto Principle works here. 80% of reviews and appraisals are spent on finding areas of improvement and 20%(condescendingly at that) on celebrating strengths. Because by focusing on whats wrong, makes one feel more productive, more in, more serious and more professional.
Classic example is the marketing manager who takes a lot of time on client calls. The common corporate refrain is ‘ she needs to be more efficient with her time ‘. But where we miss the wood for the trees is those long calls help client retention rates significantly and boosts organic revenues. What was considered wrong was actually right.
When we start looking for ‘ what’s right ‘, remarkable things begin to happen:
The what is considered as a ‘ difficult ‘ employee who asks too many questions is the one who insulates against groupthink, echo chamber and multiple projects being salvaged. She is not difficult. She needs to be rewarded.
Or the overthinking analyst who spots the minor details( after all both God and Devil are in the details) which helps the company its next major innovation. Give her a standing ovation.
How many times have we heard this ” He’s too emotional, or sensitive ” – well he is the exact same person whose empathy makes him anticipate and understand customer problems before they become too complicated to handle.
It wouldn’t be incorrect to state that we humans have a PhD in nitpicking.
Image Courtesy: ISD Global
People call Elon Musk ( yes, The Corporate Weirdo Who is Laughing All The Way To Mars) as erratic, unpredictable and obsessed. Maybe true. But, ask what’s right with him and you find in the least the following:
- he made electric cars sexy and sought after (RIP Prius)
- he made space travel into a side hustle
- he breaks and bends every corporate rule in the book- yet, he owns categories, re-defines industries and of course prints more money than anyone else can fathom
And don’t forget he was almost written off in 2008 when Tesla was a few days away from bankruptcy.
Another brilliant example is Lady Gaga: considered by the purveyors of flaws as too eccentric, too over the top. The wrong end of the stick obviously. What if the right question to ask was ” Isn’t she a Creative Genius ?” And what is right with her includes:
-she owns her uniqueness and is unapologetic about it
-she made music more about self-love than about Instagram hashtag
-went from pop icon to Oscar winning actress– proving that reinvention is just not for iPhones
And finally another example closer home. Virat Kohli. The What’s Wrong brigade had lots to say- too aggressive, too hot headed..Doesn’t ‘play it safe’ like old-school cricket legends- what about Just Too Damn Good ?
And whats right with him?
-he demands excellence not just from himself but from his entire team
-he revolutionised the fitness culture in Indian cricket making 6 pack abs more common than match-fixing scandals
-he wears emotions on his sleeve- because he cares that much
The default ‘ nice and safe ‘ wouldn’t have helped him help India have so many of the wins it has had.
We are wrongly trained(or hardwired) to see ‘ What’s missing‘ instead of What’s magnificent? ‘
But here’s the most uncomfortable truth of all: Our obsession with what’s wrong doesn’t just hurt others – it blinds us to the extraordinary mosaic of human capability that surrounds us every day.
So I’ll leave you with this challenge: For the next week, ban “What’s wrong with them?” from your mental vocabulary. Replace it with “What’s right with them that I might be missing?” The answers might revolutionize how you see everyone around you – and maybe even yourself.