Over the past several years, I have had my fill of dealing with Deans( yes, the ones who come with the dean there, done that swag and consider themselves no inferior to deaned universities) across the US, Canada, UAE, India, Europe etc and invariably come out feeling incredibly short changed on motivation, leadership…forget all that…fundamental courtesy.
That said, I must confess that there have been a few Deans who have been the epitome of grace, poise, wisdom, humility, possibilities and vision. And I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had the honor of meeting and engaging with them. And quite a few of them at top notch, highly respected, prized institutions around the world. So, certainly NOT painting everyone with the same brush.
Sometimes you are left wondering that becoming a Dean would mean that you are entering academic witness protection? The professor who would be responding to emails at 2 AM now probably considers the inbox as an abstract concept from quantum physics– it may or may not exist, depending on who the observer is.
Jordan has the Dead Sea while a lot of the Deans have Dead Sea Scrolls where ” I will revert to you ” means ” Try again in another semester…or better the next lifetime “.
I have never got my head around to understand how Deans who write fabulous papers on how to be effective communicators in organisations suddenly develop an allergic reaction to the Reply button. It is like a bizarre academic autoimmune response.
Ah, Deans I tell you, the fabled unicorns of academia, PhDs in power dynamics and the inspiration why ” I will circle back ” was invented ( by the way it is academic slant for ‘never‘). So, while their calendar might be as empty as the students’ bank account after paying fees, they are far too busy writing papers, ‘ strategising ‘ the next big move or ‘ revisiting ‘ the future of education. I am told they have super powers. At avoiding communication.
Deans also run a workshop called ” The Art Of Delegation “- why respond to you when they can easily delegate the task to an assistant who in turn can hand over the ‘ responsibility ‘ to an intern who after thorough research(to clock in the hours needed as ‘project time‘) will not look askance at auto-reply to do the skull drudgery.
They are the same tribe of people who have mastered the art of looking busy walking briskly through campus corridors holding the ubiquitous folder like it contains the secrets of the universe while actually thinking whats for lunch in the staff cafeteria. Even an attempt at responding to you will hugely dent the illusion of their omnipotence.
The linear journey of the Dean’s Guide to Communication runs thus: a) Start with showing how much you care and your deep interest in the idea b) Disappear for a loooong period of time to ensure they look super busy c) Reappear once the Aladdin’s Lamp is used ONLY if absolutely necessary d) Repeat: Voila- it is not poor communication- it is ‘ strategic communication ‘.
What you must really give them credit for is the legacy they leave behind for their students: They don’t just teach; they lead by example. From them students learn that ignoring emails is a power move, delegation is an art form, and ” I’ll circle back ” is a conversation ender. The masterclass they were looking for in professional avoidance.
But, after all, they are humans. Afraid of being found out. Just like you and me. They are terrified that if they respond to one email, it will be like opening a Pandora’s Box– they will have to reply to all. So, it is better to stay silent and maintain the illusion of control.
Deans are also adept at meetings where the chair is empty but their ego is present. As you present enthusiastically, the Dean is mindlessly looking at her phone, aimlessly scrolling LinkedIn, sending you a very clear message that ” I value your time “.
In the Dean’s lingo, ” I’ll get back to you ” is the corporate equivalent of ” let’s do lunch sometime “. While it does sound promising, NASA has better chances of finding aliens in outer space than you do of hearing back.
Moore’s or Murphy’s Law(it can be any one, I don’t care) says that the longer they take to respond= higher the perceived status. Mind you these are the same set of people in protein form who have enough time to post Instagram stories about their avocado toast but mysteriously go missing when it is time to respond to your message.
Methinks we should institute an Awards Ceremony for people who respond to mail a month later with the line ” Oops, I just saw this ” – especially when it was their idea to begin with. They should also be conferred( yes, I insist) the Critics Awards especially if their last email ended with ” Let’s connect ASAP “.
What goes around, comes around. You would have the ultimate irony, where students who have gone through Dean-led institutions often grow up(?) to become Deans themselves. The law of karma kicks in, except instead of enlightenment, you get unread emails.