Mind you- you are not alone in your loneliness. If there is more than a hint of double entendre in that line, it is meant to be that way.
The natural tendency to look at loneliness has mostly been from the prism of negativity. Not surprising. And because that call is coming from deep within ‘ yours truly ‘, and open articulation about it is at a premium, the net result is that you feel even more isolated. Emotional inadequacy takes centre stage and the loop is endless.
Yes, loneliness is a drive to overcome a persistent feeling of separateness. This does not mean that we are doomed by it. It comes with the territory, it is part of the human condition. Pioneering psychoanalyst Melanie Klein described the pain of loneliness as “the result of a ubiquitous yearning for an unattainable perfect internal state.”
Aloneness, individuality and identity form an inseparable trifecta. So, being separate from the rest is good news in more ways than one. When loneliness meets onlyness, the potential is uniqueness.
Let’s look at another aspect of loneliness which probably goes unacknowledged. When you are spending most of the time with your own self, which can be painful surely, what you end up distilling is a path to insight. When you dive into the deepest ravines and unearth your imagination and experiences. As novelist Zora Neale Hurston puts it ” it is one of the blessings of this world that few people see visions and dream dreams “.
Loneliness and creativity are partners in rhyme. Man’s search for meaning( if one were to borrow liberally the title of Viktor Frankl‘s seminal book of the same name) are all call outs from the valleys of loneliness. In aggregate, there are disparate groups of people who are building things based on their own perspective not despite loneliness but because of it.
Contrarian as it may sound, and as painful as it maybe, our feelings of separation are what provide the scope for holding us together.
So, the way out(or way in?) would be to see it in ourselves, see it on others, talk about it not as a failing but as a catalyst for change, for self-discovery. And in that lies the deepening of our ability to identify with that most human of feelings.
“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry up.” —Pearl Buck
ENDS